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(Image Source: Pixnio)
Hi Reid!I just came here from reading your introduction for your project!I like that you use the introduction to jump straight into your story. And I absolutely love the vivid imagery you use right off the bat starting off this story, the mist description really sets the stage. I also appreciate the way you use a third person narrative to not only describe how Atticus feels, but also what is happening generally, and you seamlessly jump back and forth between the two. I think the looming "tour of the afterlives" is a great setup for your stories in this storybook. And the irony that comes with being quick about picking the afterlife you are to spend all of eternity in is hard to miss and very funny. I also like the concept that each afterlife has a different 'good' place and 'bad' place in that afterlife. Is each one subjective? Could you get into the good place in one afterlife but be doomed to be sent to the bad place in another? I think that idea is very interesting and it would be cool if you were to elaborate on that a bit!Overall, great introduction!
Howdy Reid! I just read your introduction and I absolutely loved it. The way you present purgatory as a overfilled, somewhat disorganized, DMV-esque hellscape (for lack of a better word) both presents a ton of great options for adding some personality to your stories and is also just really funny. The contrast you set between Thanatos's powerful and awe-inspiring appearance and his customer service rep language and mannerisms is excellent. I can't wait to see more of him as you continue to put together your project.Concerning Atticus, I like that we jump into the story at a point where he's already gotten used to his situation. Fish out of water stories can be a bit disorienting, even for the reader, at some points so I appreciate that you've fast-forwarded us past that adjustment period. That being said, even having adjusted, I'm amazed at how well Atticus takes being told he was forgotten about for 2,300 years. (Even if I was staring down a 7 foot tall god of death, I'd be fuming)I know we are supposed to be providing feedback, but honestly I can't think of anything you could have done better here. Great work man!
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Hello Reid!I just read your introduction and really enjoyed it. Your diction really pulled me in and gave a clear image of Atticus, the waiting room, the other characters, and his situation with Thanatos (I think you spelled him Thantos). Also, you might reword "based off" to "based on". Just a little redflag from grammarly there. I think the length of your intro is perfect and does a good job of packing ample detail into a quick read.The eerie black and white picture goes great with the scene and your header is as warm and elegant as a Greek about to enter the Underworld. To really spice up your storybook maybe you could embed a poll on a separate google sites page to see which afterlife readers think Atticus will take (if it's open-ended kinda thing). I look forward to seeing the different afterlife stories Atticus can choose from!
Hey Grant, Thank you for your help with some wording issues, I really do appreciate that! Also, I love the idea of the poll and will definitely try to find a way to implement that into the storybook site!!Thanks!
Hello Reid! I really like the beginning of your story and how it has set up a sort of sequential path to follow when touring through the Underworlds. I am excited to see the different Underworlds that Atticus tours, as we tend to group the Underworld all in one category, though there are many things that go on down there! One little inconsistency I wanted to comment on was that in the beginning of your introduction, Atticus says that he does not know how he died. Yet, when the Culling Deity comes to him, he confirms that he did die in his sleep. I am assuming that he agreed to this in a sort of confused way, but it is a bit difficult to capture that feeling. The passing of time is really well described and shows what I think an ancient spirit would think of modern day dress. I like the little clipboard bit! Your story-telling is very clear and interesting! I am looking forward to reading your stories as they are added!
Hi Reid,I LOVE your story concept. In fact, I bookmarked your storybook page because I'm so excited to read more. Do you write often? The flow is immaculate, I feel like I'm reading an actual book. The imagery feels like a mix of my favorite book (More Than This - Patrick Ness), the movie Soul, and the TV show The Good Place. No lie - the whole time I was reading the introduction, I was smiling because it was just that good.The deity is 7 feet tall? Omg. Okay, I know he has bronze skin and raven wings, but all I can see are the neon-outline things in the movie Soul and it's cracking me up. Especially the blue one and the clipboard.It's so funny how casual the telling of the afterlife is. I love it. Like, "we're going to see several destinations on our tour, and whichever you like you'll spend *eternity* there. how cool!" Really good work. I can't wait for more.
Howdy Reid!I also thoroughly enjoyed this introduction to your storybook project, and cannot wait to read more of it. Lewis' comment about it being DMV-esque reminded me of the writing of Kafka - where there's an ever-present and surreal bureaucracy that governs both the mundane and the momentous. This is exactly what your story reminded me of. Really well done!I can already foresee the challenge Atticus will be faced with, but I can't wait to see how you lay out this conflict for him.Additionally, the bit about how the spirits have come up with the moniker 'culling deities' was such a marvelous detail - it makes it seem as though this world you built has it's own internal folklore. That kind of attention to detail makes it even more compelling. Thanks for this!
Hello, Reid. I liked your story. You clearly possess an understanding on how to write. All your details paint a picture in my mind. This is helpful for me because I tend not to focus on description. Seeing someone do it well shows me it's not so difficult and can go a long way. I have a question. In the sentence that ends with "...occasional spirit running past in an attempt to escape for amusement," who is getting amusement out of this? Perhaps the other spirits in the waiting room are getting amusement out of watching someone run up and down the halls, but I wouldn't think the spirit doing the running is getting any amusement out of the situation. I could be reading it wrong, however. Good job, Reid. I wonder where Atticus will go next. By the way, the picture on your comment wall is really scary. It fits the tone of the underworld well.
Hey Drew,Thank you for your feedback on the confusion in that particular sentence! I reworded that sentence to make my intent more clear, thanks!
Hello ReidI enjoyed your introduction. Many people have ideas of what purgatory is like. I like how you described it as a waiting room full of people. It reminds me of the Netherworld from the movie, Beetlejuice. It has that kind of 'pick a number and wait' vibe. The way you described him running down the hallway to no end has always been something that's bothered me in horror movies. It has such a creepy feel to it. I can picture Thanatos with his raven wings and clipboard but also looking like a bored businessman. I am excited to see what kind of door Atticus will be going through. Will he be going to the good or the bad place? I am looking forward to your stories. Your writing style flows wonderfully. It feels like I am reading a novel.
Hi Reid!I really enjoyed reading your introduction - I think the concept of an underworld is interesting, and reading other peoples takes on it always fascinates me! I'm excited to see all of the underworlds Atticus will be taken through, and to read the rest of his story. You're also a great writer, so i feel that added to the story. Good job!
Hi Reid!I love the introduction to your storytelling. I think this concept is interesting and I love that it is based on Greek mythology, which is my favorite. The way you tell the story makes me feel like I am reading a novel. It is like I am reading a Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson story but this time it is based on the side character who died called Atticus. Was Atticus a hero who retired from war or fighting and live the rest of his life with his family? Was he just a simple man who's going through death like the rest of the souls down in the Underworld? I wonder if this is going to a mystery genre where he's trying to figure out with Thanatos the cause of his death. I love the descriptive writing and it helped me visualize on the settings of the story. Just a quick note on the third paragraph, I didn't understand the part "running past in an attempt to escape for the others' amusement amusement." Also, the good place and the bad place reminds me of the show "The Good Place" which is one of my all time favorite show. Overall, I can't wait to read what you came up with on your storytelling.
Hi Reid!I love the background of your website! The colors are really cool and it makes it nice to look at. After reading your introduction, I am very intrigued by your project. The unknown is so scary and it is always interesting to learn what someone else thinks. I would suggest adding an author's note to the end of the introduction since it reads like a story so that the reader can automatically understand how your project will be structured. I like that your stories go in order of events and carry through from one story to the next. It is fun that as a reader you get to navigate the underworld with Atticus!Possibly consider adding an Author's note to the end of the second story as well so the reader has some insight to what your inspiration is from. Overall, I can't wait to see where your project will take us next! Are you getting all of the inspiration directly from Greek mythology? Good luck with the rest of your project!
Hi Reid! I had so much fun reading the Introduction and two stories you have up on your Storybook! You seem to have mastered the art of describing setting in your stories--I'm super impressed! I felt like I could always see exactly what was happening as if it were right in front of me. And I think the premise of your project--a tour through various afterlives--was quite creative. One thing that I'm curious about is how people are eligible to go to an afterlife after they died--for example, what are the criteria for going to the Egyptian afterlife, and how are they different than, say, Hades? I also wonder how long this system has been in place. Has the afterlife waiting room always existed in your mind? In general, though, I don't have many suggestions, since your story was so good! I'm interested to see what happens next!
Hey Reid,First off I wanted to say I really enjoyed reading Norse Underworlds in your storybook, it was my favorite between that and Hades. Your introduction was really nice as well and sets up the rest of your storybook great. This week we are focusing on design and I don't have a lot input when it comes to your site. I think your intro as well as the different pages look really nice. The pictures and headers are also very aesthetically pleasing and match your story well. A couple of things on google sites I may recommend are the clickable buttons and collapsible text. You can use the collapsible text to hide your authors note. You can even use the buttons on your homepage to take you to your various stories. Other than that your storybook is coming together nice, those are just some added bonuses. Keep up the great work!
Howdy again Reid!I last looked at your story book about a month ago when I read your intro and I really enjoyed it so I figured I'd swing by again and see where you were at as my third commenting option for this week. After reading through your first two stories, I can definitely say it was the right choice. The way you portray Thanatos continues to make me laugh. Just about every depiction of Thanatos I've seen or read in the past has him as this mysterious, scary figure, but honestly I think the way you write him fits his job description so much better. I'm also really impressed by your ability to provide characterization without explicitly laying it out for the reader. Without the story even directly interacting with them, I feel like I know exactly how Hades, Odin, or Thor would act just from the way Thanatos talks about them. Last but not least, I like how we're learning more and more about Atticus as we go. I wonder what has him so scared he'd be judged poorly? I can't wait to see where he ends up and will definitely be back before the end of the semester to find out!
Hi Reid,I really like your use of pictures in the banner. That out of the way, allow me to correct a few points in your author’s note on the Norse Underworlds. You see, I am a reconstructionist Heathen, so I know the topic quite well. Firstly, its Helheim, that is what Hel’s realm is called. It was not invented by Catholics Hel has been a goddess of death well before the Christianization of the Norse. In fact, Hel is where Christians get the name for their underworld. Before Hell, it was called Sheol. Secondly, yes, we do know who goes to each. If you die in battle and are chosen by the Valkyries, Freyja receives half of the souls, the other half go to Othinn (anglicized Odin). The point of confusion is who gets first pick. Thirdly, there are myths where those who die at sea leave Ran and go to Helheim, so it is up for debate on whether Ran has a separate underworld, or if she just hosts the souls before they move on. I would recommend you look up Dr. Jackson Crawford on YouTube. He is an Old Norse specialist, and he has a few videos about the Norse afterlife that are a good start for information. I do not mind artistic liberties, but please take care in your author’s note to have accurate information.
Hi Reid! You have such a great story being told her. I know others have probably already said this but I really liked that you got right into telling the story. I thought it was interesting that you called the beginning of the story "The waiting room" because it's like as the reader I'm waiting to see what's going to happen next! I felt like it was a serious topic, but you still made it very fun to read. You really added depth into the characters and honestly made them somewhat more interesting that how we know them to be now. I know this is set up like a tour so it's interesting to see where Atticus will end up and how he decided on where he's going to go? You might add that in at the end but it would be kind of cool to see what he's leaning towards or what qualifies him. I think you did great!
Hi Reid!I bookmarked your project so when we got the chance to pick one to come back to this week, I chose yours. I haven't read it since the introduction so there's a lot of new great stories! I love the way the story continues on throughout the different chapters! Following his journey definitely helps me stay focused. The author's note for the "Hades: Thanatos' Home" story, is super helpful in clearing up the confusion between the different afterlives and sets up the upcoming story nicely. The explanation of the familiarity between Atticus and Hades really clarifies the underwhelming reaction that Atticus has to this afterlife, and makes me want to read the next story immediately to see his reaction to other afterlives!In your story "Norse Underworlds," you do a great job of explaining the different options for people when they move to the afterlife. It's very different from Hades, which is probably the most familiar to not only Atticus, but the reader as well. It's almost as if the reader is on the same prior knowledge plain as Atticus, so you can very easily explain things to the reader in the form of Thanatos explaining things to Atticus. It all works very well and I am impressed.I love how you end each author's note setting up the story for the next part! It makes me want to keep reading!
Hey Reid, This is my second time viewing your project and I love the additions you have made. The names alone have me intrigued as to what your going to add, an I'm looking forward to it. Specifically Thalocan & Mitclan, those names sound so interesting so im ready for those. THis week we are focusing on authors notes. I remember when I first viewed your project I recommended adding the collapsible text for your author's notes and it looks really great on your page. As far as the content of your authors note I feel it does well in setting up the story. Specifically, on Norse Underworlds I like how when I read your notes it sets me up for the adventure in the steamy jungles of Central America. That was a really nice touch and is exactly what one should hope to see when reading the notes. Keep up the great work!
I am so glad to be returning to your storybook! I was intrigued after reading your introduction previously and bookmarked your page. I just finished reading Hades. It was so much fun! I love how Thanatos is giving Atticus a tour. I keep picturing a bored businessman just going through the motions. It was nice to feel the excitement when he got to see the dog and rub its belly. Your author's note explains the tone and information for your story very well. I think including more information in the note about Anatolia and what Atticus did as a child was a great idea. It explains more of why Hades reminded him of home. You have it set up to where your reader can be prepared and excited to move on to the next story. I am excited to read about the Norse underworlds next. Great job!
Hey Reid,I think "Underworld Stories" is turning out to be a pretty cool storybook. Reading the introduction, I was surprised to hear that our character has been waiting for thousands of years; this hooked me in and made me want to read more.Your descriptions of the underworld contained vivid imagery, an important element. Although I have never smelled "baked dirt" before, I was still able to use my imagination to match a pretty interesting scent to the scenery of the underworld.The Norse Underworld story was neat too, and I particularly enjoyed reading this one because unlike the Greek underworld, I am totally unfamiliar with the Norse underworld. I am a bit like Thanatos when he was hurrying through this world because of the freezing cold. Being from the south, this sounds like the last place I'd want to spend eternity!
HI Reid,I read the title of your site and instantly thought that your concept would be so interesting. The idea totally drew me in curious as to what the ideas would be. I absolutely loved the introduction which pulls us as the reader into the story more. I absolutely love how you decided to dive into the different cultures underworld mythology. A lot of different cultures have a version of the underworld or "hell" and I think it is interesting how they differ for sure! you did a great job of making the story interactive and conversational rather than just factual.I liked how it was a journey and not just telling me about the different underworlds.Nicely done!
Hi Reid,Good job with this project—you’re a great writer! Getting a tour of different cultures’ underworlds was a cool idea. I like that readers get to experience the same emotions as Atticus when he sees a new underworld, because at least I was pretty unfamiliar with places like Folkvangr and Mictlan. You also used so many sensory details to help readers really imagine themselves on the tour. The information included in the author’s notes was detailed and interesting. I didn’t know about the Catholic influence on our understanding of Norse mythology, and I found it interesting that Aztec underworlds don’t care about how a person lived their life. I did have a couple questions about the choices you made that you could add to the author’s notes if you want! Why did you decide to have the main character be from ancient Anatolia, and why was Thanatos the deity giving him the tour? I’m glad I found this storybook because I really enjoy reading it, and I wonder what your epilogue will be like!
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